Week 10: A JNIC Royal Rumble
More than WrestleMania; more than Summer Slam; more than Survivor Series. I loved Royal Rumble the most. Every January, we’d get to see as many as 50 of our favorite childhood wrestlers enter the ring in a battle royal and see who’d come out the victor. What started off as two then three then four guys competing against each other soon turned into six, eight, and twelve. It was pure mayhem. You remember: it would start off with the low-level guys that were trying to make a name for themselves. Guys like 123-Kid, Golddust Jeff Jarret, The Honky Tonk Man, and Bob Backlund. They’d grapple for about 5 minutes and fight not to get thrown over the ropes. Then you’d see the B-level guys start running down from the entrance. Guys like Owen Hart, British Bulldog, Jake-the-Snake Roberts, and Mr. Perfect. It was now starting to get great. Guys were getting suplexed over the ropes, flying into the turnbuckle, getting thrown across the ring. Pure mayhem had now ensued, and we were glued to the television. We were now 15 minutes into the madness and you knew what time it was. Our favorites were starting to entire the match. We loved it when we saw Bret the Hitman Hart in his manly pink and black suit with black sunglasses. Personally, I was most hype when my boy Razor Ramon came walking in, ever so cool with that toothpick in his mouth. Minutes later, while guys are flying all over the ring, the lights would go off, a crowd full of 20,000 people would be in complete darkness. Amidst the silence, we’d all collectively hear that first gong of the chapel bell, and immediately, all hell would break loose; in the crowd and in your living room. The Undertaker would make his stoic, sedated pace down the entrance as the wrestlers themselves would pause in fear. “Somebody’s going to die tonight,” we thought!
The match would continue. Hyperventilating from the rush of excitement, our 11-year old selves couldn’t take much more! Finally catching our breath, as if we just ran a 5K, we’d then see the countdown timer on screen and scream when you heard the glass shatter and the music start for Stone Cold Steve Austin. It was officially over! I was running around the living room. Giving my little cousin Ashli the Stone-Cold Stunner on top of the couch. We loved every minute of it. It was pure madness in the ring. And for the next 20 minutes, we’d watch in exhilaration as guys flew out of the ring until there was only one remaining figure: The champion and winner of the Royal Rumble.
That’s where we are right now fellas: the thick of the 2024 JNIC Royal Rumble. We’ve been wrestling for 10 weeks now and only one owner has been thrown out of the ring: Sherva “The Draft Destroyer” Jones. As for the rest of us, it’s still anyone’s game. Sure, Will and Mel have the best chance at securing two of the six spots for the offs, but the remaining four slots are anyone’s game right now. With four games to go and only 2 games separating the 3rd place position down from the 10th place position, we all have a shot at the postseason. I’ve gone ahead and looked at the standings, current projections, and upcoming matchups, and want to offer my take. Here’s what I see:
CJ (9th place) vs. Dre (3rd place): It’s gotta suck for Claude right now, being 2nd in total points, yet currently outside of the playoff bracket. This is a big week for him as he can not only pull himself up the ladder but also knock Dre down another ring. And he just might be able to do it. While Dre was sitting high in first or second place for a majority of the season, his team is looking a bit frail now with CeeDee Lamb having to depend on Cooper Rush and Trigger Tre Lance to get him his touches. It could be an epic slide for Dre’s team if other players on his roster don’t step up. My pick this week: CJ
Dunc (10th) vs. Will (1st): Any given Sunday right Dunc? But I don’t think it’ll happen this Sunday. Will’s team is too powerful. Too balanced. He can get 20 points from a lot of guys on his roster and we just saw Chase pull damn near 50 last week. I think this might be the death of Dunc’s so-called dynasty this week. I don’t see him winning the matchup or making it to the playoffs with this roster. His best bet is to try and bring others down with him. My pick: Will, by a landslide. I don’t even see Dunc breaking 100.
Zayn (8th) vs. Lance (11th): Maybe Tone was right all along. Zayn’s team sucks. But he’s managed to get by and stay in the hunt with some key wins these last few weeks. I don’t see it for him this week though. I doubt Goff has a 5-INT game again, and he’s playing the Jaguars, which should be a nice come-up for a 20+ point game. And Tyreek is playing the Raiders. But Lance has been close in several matchups lately and I can see him willing his roster to victory. Zayn’s only hope is to start Zayn’n today! Don’t even wait til Sunday. Just start now and hope to get into good graces with the fantasy gods. My pick: Lance (although, I don’t think either of them will make the playoffs)
Kenny (7th) vs. Sherv (12th): Kenny. I mean, you see Sherv’s roster? It’s Lamar and the Pips.
Zach (6th) vs. Mel (2nd): The numbers are against me. But I see AJ Brown pulling my way and scoring 25+ points this week in his matchup against Washington. I’m gonna need some help from Cedric Tillman and David Njoku, but by Detroit RB’s are poised to have a solid week this week. Plus, Mel is due for a loss. And he hasn’t called me yet with any voodoo tactics. My pick: me nicca.
Tone (4th) vs. Steve (5th): I’d consider this the matchup of the week. Two guys in the middle of the playoff bracket going head to head. I love to see it. This one is anyone’s game, but I’m going to have to go with the opponent of the owner I wish nothing but bad things for my best buddy Tony. My pick: Steve. I’m looking forward to hearing your analysis, pre- and post-game Stephen A Haynes.
